Many of us live out our lives believing that we are where we are because we belong there or we’ve gotten tired of fighting for what we really want. We begin to feel weary inside. We know what our heart desires, but we don’t always know how it’s going to come and how long it’s going to take. We’ve tried time after time to make something work but it never happens our way.
Trust me, I understand. So many times I’ve gone through life just living from day to day in a situation that was killing me on the inside only because I didn’t know how to do better and I got tired of trying.
What I can say to you now is–Don’t settle for less, it’s not worth it!!
Life can be so much more for us. We can smile everyday-just because. We can feel purposeful and productive, not just busy. The critical missing key for many is that they don’t even know that they’re settling. In most cases their vision has been thwarted, their growth has been stunted and they’ve been previously programmed for mediocrity-it feels normal.
We know that we’re settling when:
-we feel a great deal of discomfort in our relationships, career, business, private time, living environment and/or financial situation
-when our vision for ourselves is pulling us higher
-yearning deep in our hearts to be more and do more
-constant feeling that we deserve more but we’re settling for a quick fix
I wanted love, protection, provision, comfort, support, and stability. I committed to someone out of desperation and need. I sought what I needed in him. I saw signs that he wasn’t equipped. I knew I deserved more. As a result the disappointments kept coming. I made excuses and shrunk myself to fit the situation. I said to hell with the signs and kept trying to milk a dry cow hoping that one day it would see things my way and PRODUCE. In the meantime I continued to settle. And because I chose to settle, I made him feel inadequate by blaming him for my misery. Long story short—through it all, I ended up learning to provide for myself the very things I entered the relationship for. I learned to love and comfort myself, I provided for myself monetarily, I provided a great deal of stability and protection for myself. It was all an inner work that I tried to have someone else become responsible for. Yes, it is perfectly natural to expect these assets from a partner but only when I can do them for myself, see the value in it. Only then can I attract and command greatness from my partner. Thus not settling for anything less than I deserve.
If you’re aware that you are settling—no need to beat up on yourself. Take a deep breath and read below. I’ve provided three tips to help you get started right now!!
Three Tips to Stop Settling:
1. Become aware of your unhappiness-many of us have hidden unhappiness. We don’t like to look at our pain for fear it will overwhelm and drown us. Or we feel our unhappiness and just get used to living with it and begin to ignore it. CONSCIOUSLY become aware of where you feel unhappiness in your body and in your life. Breathe into those areas and reassure yourself that it’s going to be alright. You will be just fine. Show yourself the nurturing and compassion that you would to another.
2. Allow yourself to desire more- do you ever notice that you feel afraid to dream. Have you ever been too tired or discouraged to dream bigger. If you’ve restricted yourself from wanting more in life, it’s time to set yourself FREE!! Allow yourself to mentally and emotionally want more. Not from a place of lowness and lack but from your heart’s desires. Allow them to flow!
3. Begin to reach out and take RISKS- Set goals, take steps toward your goals, solicit support. Move on the things that are important to you. It can be as small as clearing out and decorating a small space so you can live in a more lavish environment. You may want to list your interests and values and begin to fulfill your personal needs. Whatever it is for you, today is the day for you to take the risk!